I was inspired by a writing prompt
to write what I see when I look into the window of my creative life during and after suffering emotional and verbal abuse.
I take a quick glimpse into the window of my past. When I first take a mental peak into this window, I see a charming man. The boy I became fast friends with in high school and eventually married over 20 years later. I open this curtain and what do I see? The lovable, sweet young man I knew during my younger days, has turned out to be a verbally abusive monster. Seven and a half years and a lovely daughter later, I escaped this abusive madhouse, though he throws his net out to reel me in, from time to time. Does he catch me and weave me back into his web? No, but my daughter sees what I went through before my divorce. Yes, I regret giving him primary physical custody of her, but she’s near the age when she can decide with whom she wants to spend the rest of her childhood.
Let’s move from 2010 to 2016. After reading the signs of emotional and verbal abuse online, I look into yet another window. I had just broken it off with a guy who loved me, but didn’t want to leave his mother. When I peel away the curtain, the man I see is sweet, charming and interested in my writing career. He told me he was a man of God. Several months later, the signs I learned to watch for during my abusive first marriage, began bubbling to the surface. We got married, because I loved him and wanted to give him a fighting chance. However, almost a year into our marriage, red flags flew high in the wind and the bubbling signs of abuse boiled over. Four months after that, I broke free of that spider web of emotional abuse, disrespect and childishness.
Now, it’s January 2019. After suffering emotional abuse for the second time, coming back to live near my parents’ home and losing my grandmother two days after Thanksgiving, I look through the window of my creative future. I must say, I see a new year with new beginnings, more books published and a world of storytelling awaits me, as I am in a better place. I am much happier. I may have gone through some struggles in my life, but I’ve made it through to the other side, a much stronger person. I prayed for wisdom and strength to make the necessary changes needed to maintain my sanity and creativity.
Although I am blind, I use my inner vision to look through these mental windows to see how the negatives in my life have resulted in a positive outcome. Romans 8:28 says: “And we know that all things work for good to them that love God, and to them that are the called according to His purpose.” Although I dealt with many painful memories from my past through music and journaling, All the pain I have endured and trials I have faced have worked for good in my life.
When you look out your window, what do you see? Is the view physical or mental? Do you use your eyes or your inner vision to see the world around you? Please leave your answers in the comments below. Feel free to visit the original post linked here and write your own essay about what you see through your own window.